Twas the Month after Christmas

"T'was the month after Christmas and all through the house
Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.


The cookies I'd nibbled, the eggnog I'd taste
All the holiday parties had gone to my waist.
When I got on the scales there arose such a number
When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber).
I'd remember the marvelous meals I' d prepared;
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared.


The divinity and fudge, the bread and the cheese
And the way I' d never said, "No thank you, please."
As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt
I said to myself, as I only can,
"You can't spend a winter disguised as a man"!


So--away with the last of the sour cream dip,
Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip.
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished
"Till all the additional ounces have vanished.
I won't have a cookie--not even a lick.
I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick


I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie,
I'll munch on a carrot stick and quietly cry.
I'm hungry, I 'm lonesome, and life is a bore
But isn't that what January is for?


Unable to giggle, no longer a riot.
Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!"


Ain't that the truth! Happy January everyone!