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Friday, January 29, 2010

It won't be the last time he hears it

The word of the day is FRUSTRATION.

Yeah, I know. I'm totally doing this to myself. I've opted to stay on course with this breastfeeding plan, but BBZ is not making it easy. Not sure if it has to do with the milk not coming out at jet speed, his gas issues, or what. But he wants nothing to do with me sometimes. During the night, which was actually a good one last night only waking up to feed at 1:30am and 5am, he nurses perfectly fine. And I know it's not me because he has milk spilling out his cheeks when he stops and smiles at me. Other times, he even wants nothing to do with the bottle, spitting out milk left and right. Ugh.

I finally found myself saying outloud,


I'm sure it's just the way he is, or at least I hope there is nothing anatomically or physically wrong with him. Unfortunately though it won't be the last time he hears that phrase.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

He loves his books

Last week, for whatever reason, I decided to give LMA a book to read while in bed winding down for "quiet time". We started calling it "quiet time" several months ago when he started stating he wasn't tired for "nap time". I knew he still needed a nap because when he would eventually fall asleep I still have to wake him up at 4:30pm. There have been times when I fell asleep myself and he was still sleeping at 5pm.

Unfortunately, this plan has snowballed on me. Not only did he read the book that I gave him, but he also proceeded to get out of bed and retrieve more books to read. At some point he even turned on the light to read since his curtains were semi-closed.

When I went up to wake him up, this is what I found:

Notice the books stacked around his bed? At least he was quiet right? Which is why I didn't say anything. But I could tell he read his books for awhile because he didn't move once while I was taking pics and having the flash go off for 15 minutes.

And then, to really make you smile, he tried that again at night after we turned the lights off. That I did say something to him about.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Not Quite Ready Yet

I know I said before I would be okay with my milk supply on the fritz, but I don't think I'm ready yet to give up... or at least let it run out. You see, I'm a control freak. Yes, I know I should go to a meeting or therapy for extensive help.

"Hello, my name is A's and Z's mom and I am a control freak."

There are very little things in my life that I do have control over and right now, it seems even those are slipping through my fingers (mainly because of hubby's change in career). So I want to be the one to make the decision to quit.

When I first started breastfeeding, I wanted to make it through the first couple weeks. When those passed, I thought maybe the first month. Next thing I know, my little munchkin is turning 3 months old. Now that he's almost 4 months, I've made that my time frame. Lately, I know I haven't been very good about trying harder (sometimes it's just easier to give him a bottle) which could be a huge factor in the picture.

When I first approached the lactation consultants about my supply problem, they had recommended a product called Motherlove. I was able to find it locally at Whole Foods. Not doing any research on the products before the four of us ventured out and having a short of attention span from LMA, left me picking up "something" last time I tried it. I didn't think it helped much, leaving me to turn to my OB for prescription help.

This time I did my homework. Turns out I picked up the wrong one for me. You see, I had a breast reduction and all sorts of complications can stem from that alone. But you try breastfeeding a child, and you're in a whole new ball park. Come to find out, there is a "special blend" formula for women who have had reductions, therefore less mammary tissue to produce more milk. It can also be used for adoptive moms who want to breastfeed there new addition or for women with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). This special blend contains Goat's Rue which is a plant that grows 2-3 feet tall with branching stems and oval, opposite leaves. The long flower stalk produces many light purple to pink flowers similar to those in the pea family. The leaves stimulate development of mammary tissue, and it is one of the most potent herbs to increase breast milk. Goat's Rue is also used to increase breast size in non-lactating women (won't many husbands be happy to hear that). It also increases sweating to bring down a fever. Because it can lower blood sugar levels, it can be useful for diabetics who are not on insulin, or have an effect on the amount of insulin needed.

So, we're going to give it one last ditch effort. Unfortunately, BBZ is starting to get more used to the bottle and how fast the milk comes out, he's been less apt to go for the tap. He's also at that age where everything else around him is more interesting which is really hard to get him to focus on the task at hand. But I'm going to try. That's the only thing I can do.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

A mom's nose knows

Why is it that mothers have such a keen sense of smell? It seems as though every time I walk downstairs I smell one of my children emanating roses from theirs behinds. And even Pop-pop, who is sitting no more than 5 feet away, can't smell it.

I picked LMA up from school yesterday and sure enough, he had a poopy diaper. Unfortunately, none of the teachers detected the pile of roses in his diaper and so by the time I retrieved him it was up his butt so far, it was almost out of his diaper. Of course they felt horrible having missed it.

He used to tell us when he had a poopy diaper, but now no more. He only tells me when he has a really big pee-pee diaper after his morning explosion. And the extraordinary part is that he holds it ALL NIGHT LONG and then sometimes an hour into the day.

We've been trying so hard to get him to be potty trained. Gramma even tried while she was here over Christmas and made LMA walk around without diapers or even big boy underwear. One morning he managed to pull his pants down and poop on the rug downstairs. I've tried rewards from candy to trains to a huge tube of 70 cars and trucks that is hanging on the back of the bathroom door. Even a chart where he can put a sticker on it when he uses the potty. Still a no go. I've been telling him that I'm not buying anymore diapers for him. What he has in his room is all we have left. As of right now, only 14 left. And I have no idea what we're going to do when they are gone.

I've come to the realization that I'm going to have a four-year-old walking around in diapers.

Friday, January 15, 2010

I'm a Free fan

I had heard AmyBow talking about freecycle, but I didn't think I had the time to "exchange" items with people. Yea, free things are great, but you never know.

When Wenderina came to town for New Years, she brought up the freecycle website for this area and I joined. I've been hooked ever since. So far, I haven't collected much or offered much except maybe coupons and small baby clothes BBZ has already outgrown (saving the nicer ones to hopefully get money for them). But today, everything changed. Today, we got this:

When I replied to the offer ad, I was thinking it was a small 12-15 inches truck with maybe some sounds. This thing is 35 inches long, is as tall as LMA, and is motorized. With a switch if a lever you can make the ladder turn left or right, up or down, and make the truck go forward or backward. The only thing wrong? The cover for the batteries is missing and instead is replaced with a piece of cardboard and tape. Does LMA care? Nope, not one bit.

My son is a fan of firetrucks. Can you tell??

Thursday, January 14, 2010

I am not a quitter

These past few months with BBZ by my side have been another whirlwind adventure. The roller coaster ride that is my life. I've gotten lucky in the past with some things, but with this kid nothing is easy. Let me give you a run down of the events that have been his life so far.

Day 3: Home at last, but I notice a yellow-tint to the corner of his eyes. Jaundice. I had seen it before in cats and dogs and knew it could be serious if not addressed.

Week 1: After several trips back and forth to the hospital and the doctors office, BBZ does not need to be put under the UV lights to help with his jaundice. We continue to pump him full of liquids, either pumped from me or formula.

Week 3: Daddy leaves for Georgia leaving me with two boys and Pop-pop. My lazy baby and I have been to the lactation consultant several times to try and alleviate his issue of eating enough and latching on properly. I complain about "pins and needles" sharp pain in my breast, but the lactation consultant blames it on my milk supply coming in, the "letdown tingle", and his improper latching technique. (Remember this for later!)

Week 5: I am in such excruciating pain when BBZ latches on I begin to strictly pump my milk. My dear friend finally convinced me that this is NOT a "phase" in my breastfeeding dilemma, this could be a serious problem. I decide to call the doctor and get an appointment. The Nurse Practitioner believes that it could be mastitis, but I don't have a fever. She put me on the antibiotic anyway. I have an appointment with my OB the following week so things will get rechecked then. By the end of the week, from only pumping my milk, I start to lose my supply. The lactation consultant seems to think I need to bare through the pain and nurse him anyway to tell my body to continue to produce milk.

Week 6: Turns out its not mastitis, it's a raging yeast infection and guess what? BBZ has one too! Which could also be another reason for his slow eating habits (or he could be just a lazy baby). Which that in turn is probably why I got the yeast infection. For three weeks I complained about these symptoms and everyone, except my dear friends, thought it was "just a phase". We're both put on antibiotics which give BBZ the runs and horrible gas. Thankfully, I start to feel better and am able to "comfortably" nurse BBZ again and my supply begins to return.

Week 7: Still dealing with sleep issues with BBZ. By 5 weeks old, I was gloating about him sleeping 5 hours, but that is no more. He is awake every 3 hours even during the night. Thankfully, he goes right back to sleep, but if he doesn't get a full feeding he is awake only two hours later. This of course makes me very tired and irritable and unfortunately it's usually toward LMA or Pop-pop, who god love him is just trying to help, that I get short with.

Week 8: Feeling as though I am not producing enough milk to nourish my 13 pounder, I once again call in the help of my lactation consultant and OB. Lactation consultant recommended the herbal approach of Mother's Milk tea and Mother's Love elixir. I try both - COMBINED - and still no increase in supply. My OB prescribed a medication that could help.

Week 9: Still no increase in milk supply, so we continue to bottle feed him soy-based formula, because of his gassy problems, and I nurse him as much as I can. I continue to pump some times and feed him that later. Thank goodness my father is still here with me or else BBZ would have been a strictly formula fed baby way back in Week 4 after hubby and Gramma left.

Today (Week 13): Still dealing with sleep issues at night, getting BBZ to take a full feeding so he'll sleep more than 3 hours. Sometimes I'm lucky if he'll take the pacifier and go back to sleep. I'm so exhausted, sometimes we both fall asleep while I'm feeding him. Two hours later, I'll wake up with a baby fast asleep stretched out on my lap and with cold legs. I wrap him up and put him to bed. One hour later, he's awake again for another feeding.

To top everything off, I have another yeast infection. Fortunately, I was able to catch it before it got as bad as last time, but that means we both need to be on antibiotics again.

I continue to get frustrated because he's not sleeping more than 3 hours at a time, even if we play around with breastmilk and formula combination before bedtime. Or even alter his naptimes during the day. There may have been a handful of times since week 5 that he slept 4 or 5 hours during the first stretch of the night, but after that if he didn't get enough to eat and would be awake 2-3 hours later. Poor hubby just wanted to come home for Christmas and relax, but instead came home to BBZ and his nighttime issues.

When I first found out I was pregnant again, I told myself that I really wanted to breastfeed this last time. If I had stopped at week 3, I should have been fine with it - I mean my baby was able to get a head start with what I was able to give him - but my heart was telling me I wanted to do it longer. With the way finances are now and how expensive formula can be for a big baby, I wanted the good "free" stuff for my baby for as long as I could. I told myself that I wanted to make it to at least 3 months.

And now, I'm here. I've given my child the best head start as I possibly could for the last 13 weeks. I've made it through having a lazy eater, not one but two yeast infections, and I'm still going.

I am not a quitter.

I will keep going for as long as I can, both mentally and physically. If it were not for my father being here to help, I wouldn't think twice about stopping breastfeeding. I just wouldn't be able to handle it with a toddler and a newborn. Not to mention it's just tiresome - even without a toddler in tow.

More than likely, it won't last longer than March, with our move and everything that will be happening that month. But like my good friend told me, if I stop before March - it will be okay. If I stop next week - it will be okay. If I stop tomorrow - it will be okay.

My brain says she's right. I just need to tell my heart that too.

Monday, January 11, 2010

Happy 3 months BBZ

** Warning: This posting may contain excessive cuteness**

It's hard to believe that three months ago, this little ball of cuteness entered our lives. We're still battling with sleep and feeding issues, but his beautiful smile help me start my day off just right.

I can't wait to watch him grow over the next few months into a little crawler, then into a toddler, and finally into a little boy.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

December 2009 Month in Review

I was in the habit of putting together a month in review last year. Since I have the time - both boys are taking a nap (funny how that relates to my blog title), I thought I would put a quick one together.

December 9th: BBZ turns 2 months old. Milestones were never my thing with LMA and they certainly aren't this time around with BBZ either. And it's just better that way. You get to experience every little moment in awe while not being caught up in what they "should" be doing this week or month. By the way, this is when BBZ started to smile... as you can see in the pic.

Decemeber 14: Little Man A turns three!! I still can't believe that my baby is three years old. He is definitely not a little man anymore. Since his brother has arrived he's turned into a little boy. He still says, "Mommy hold you" after each nap (yes, thankfully he is still taking naps) and has his diapers on (we're working on that), but he's still my baby. Unfortunately, he was sick for his birthday, hence the pj's.

December 18: Daddy finally comes home from Fort Benning and on his birthday! And just in time before we get 18 inches of snow! BBZ watched the fluffy white stuff fall from inside while LMA played outside. He tried so hard to make snowballs, but the darn stuff just stuck to his gloves.

December 21: Gramma and Uncle Rich finally make it here from California. Because of the snow storm, no planes were flying into the D.C. area. So unfortunately, they were 2 days late in getting here. But that didn't stop the fun. Turns out, BBZ loves books just as much as LMA did at this age. And his favorite book? "Put Me in the Zoo" More than likely because of all the colorful spots.

December 25: Merry Christmas! For Christmas, LMA scored big time. Santa brought a Geo Trax set that he's been talking about for the past 4 months. And don't forget the Hiro train engine that he's been dying to have since he saw the new Thomas movie. Zaeden did pretty well getting an awesome bouncy unit from Gramma and Pop-pop.

December 31: New Years Eve. My big Christmas present was a Wii system. Didn't ask for one. Didn't really even want one - until I found out that you can do Yoga and play golf, bowling, and tennis on it. Apparently, LMA did well playing bowling and even made a bogey on a hole with golf. Although we didn't get a group shot like we did 2 years ago, Wenderina and Uncle Carl graced us with their presence again for a new years celebration. (We're all going to hell for making fun of poor ole Dick Clark)

January 1st: Happy New Year! Before Daddy was off again to school, this time in cold Fort Leonard Wood, Missouri, we celebrated our 7th Anniversary on January 2nd. Just a nice dinner at our favorite restaurant, Texas Steakhouse (too bad it wasn't in Texas though). I was able to capture this beautiful shot of my two boys to send to all our favorite people. Daddy and Mommy make some good looking kids. Too bad we're done making them.

Can't wait to see what January 2010 brings for our family!

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

So I thought...

Happy belated New Year!

So I thought having to juggle two kids, household chores, a dog, and two cats was enough reason to not have time to blog. Apparently not.

Uh. I think so.

Not to mention when your 12 week old is not really giving me very much sleep, I'm practically running on fumes throughout the day. Of course I bragged about getting 5 hours stretches when he was only 5 weeks old, but not anymore. He likes to wake up and eat every 3 hours even through the night hours. Thankfully, he's not awake for very long. Unfortunately, he falls asleep before he can get a full feeding hence why he's awake 2 hours later. So we're still working on that.

Little Man A is doing good also. Last month I took him to get his flu shot vaccinations... and I did pluralize that. Both his H1N1 and his seasonal flu vaccines. The nurse told me he would be fine, but the next day he was showing flu-like symptoms. Of course the following day was his 3rd birthday, so the poor kid was sick on his birthday. By the end of the week, both myself and Pop-pop are sick as well. I finally took LMA to the urgent care because we have minimal insurance (that's a whole other problem in itself because Daddy is in the Army Reserves now) and turns out the poor kid had a sinus infection (apparently the red circles under his eyes was not clue enough for Mommy to notice) and .... pink eye! F#$@ing great!

So now we are just recovering from our illnesses, the holiday season, and Daddy's absence again. He's in Missouri until March when his school is over. Hopefully, when all is said and done, the new year will be good to us.

Oh, and just to make up for lost time, he's a goodie. A pic of my boys watching tv together. Enjoy!