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Wednesday, September 22, 2010

What's happenin'?

Where to begin? How about hubby/Daddy is gone. He left last Thursday. Unfortunately the military cut that day short also. And needless to say it was not an easy day for any of us. Well, maybe .... no, BBZ had a bad day too.

Can't believe its only been a week since hubby has left. But when I am constantly worried about how each day will pan out, it kind of slows things down. Then add LMA asking 3x per day if Daddy is home yet... you can imagine how I feel.

But thankfully I'm organized. Does that mean I'm not exhausted at the end of the day? Absolutely not.

Getting ready for this deployment has really taken a toll on me. So much so that I've started going to a counselor and taking some happy pills again. I'm starting to wonder if the pills are really making any difference because it seems to me the more I talk about things, the better I actually feel. Thankfully, I started going before hubby left so we were able to open up a little bit more about how we were both feeling about the deployment.

LMA is back in school which is a really good distraction for him. Getting him ready in the morning... or should I say all three of us, have been a little bit of a challenge at times. But it seems to be getting easier with each passing day. The biggest set back is when I try to get him to get himself ready. I'll try to be patient with him and if he lags a little then that just means that I need to be hurried. Which, really isn't all that great either.

I've put books together for both boys with pictures of Daddy and them. I think I squeezed myself in there at least once, but it was actually more for BBZ. Through Military One Source (and of course from Gramma), we were able to get books to read with LMA about Daddy going away. Can't say that they have helped much. Made me cry more.

After the first couple of days, I started getting used to LMA saying something about Daddy being gone. He would wake up in the morning and say he had a dream of him and Daddy playing freeze tag and hide and seek. Wouldn't you know it hubby texted me saying he had a dream about him and LMA going fishing. Apparently, this deployment is taking its toll on everyone.

I'd like to say that I am okay with this deployment. I mean, thankfully its not over to the sand box, but it is guarding the 12 or 15 worse scumbags and everyone from the CIA to the FBI will be watching their every move. But a lot can happen in a year... a lot that Daddy will be missing. BBZ's first birthday coupled with a vacation that we have been planning to San Diego for the past year. LMA's 4th birthday. It's hard to imagine that the next time Daddy will see him will be shortly before he turns 5 years old.

On the flip side, I know once we get past counting the days, we'll be counting the weeks. Then each month we'll be looking forward to something new. Before we know it, Daddy could be home for 2 weeks R&R. Throw in there a few visits from Gramma and Pop-pop and I'm sure the year will be over before we know it.

I'm trying to keep myself busy. I've started doing the newsletter for two organizations, my MOPS group and hubby's unit's Family Readiness Group. I'd like to start scrapbooking again - considering I haven't even started BBZ's first year album. I'd really like to start horseback riding again. It's been YEARS since I've been on a horse and I really miss it. Not only is it a workout but it's also a relaxer for me. Hopefully it will be just like "riding a bike" again. Not sure where I'll go yet either, but I am on the search before it gets too cold. If not, I'll just wait until the spring.

And lastly, I've started working out again. Yes, hubby, you would be proud. The Wii system that he actually bought for me (or himself) for Christmas last year, I'm using for yoga. I've tried to get up at "0 dark 30" but I just don't function that early. Plus if I had, BBZ would have cut into my workout more than a few times already. So I've left it to either during "quiet time" (if there is any from LMA) or just after the boys go to bed. This way I know for a fact that I won't be interrupted. Shouldn't anyways.

So there you have it. A lot at once, but I know hubby will be checking this more than once in awhile and once a month I've been told is definitely NOT enough.

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