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Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Back to routine

Thank God things are back to normal this week. Last week was a little messed up. Little Man ended up getting another cold after Little Sprouts birthday party. So not only did I have to worry about us not getting sick, I had to worry about possibly getting Little Sprout and the rest of the friends at the party sick too.

By the time Wednesday rolled around, it was a full blown attack all over again. Thankfully, I had called the doctor the day before and told her that once again he is sick and his superficial cervical, or throat lymph nodes have not decreased in size at all. For the fourth month in a row!

Hubby had a neurology/pain management appointment for his back Wednesday morning. Unfortunately, we had to drive all the way out to Walter Reed Army Medical Center. Unbeknown to us, the President wanted to go south into Springfield that morning. When it normally would have taken us 45 minutes, it took us 1-1/2 hours to reach our destination. We saw cop car after cop car and motorcycle every 500 meters or so on I-95 and I-395.

Thankfully, Little Man was so patient on the way there. I knew enough to stack up on extra snacks, books, and a few trucks in his bag the day before. However, no one told hubby that because he was going to be receiving a local anesthetic prior to the cortisone injection, he wasn't suppose to eat 8 hours prior to his appointment. The doctor at least evaluated his back and even changed some of the pain management plan.

By the time we left the hospital it was lunch time, but I didn't think that LMA was going to make it all the way back home. I was right. He made it just until 1pm (schedule baby), so we stopped by Wendy's on the way in for take out. We were hoping since he had just fallen asleep 10 minutes prior that he wouldn't budge when I placed him in his bed. Wrong! He didn't want anything to do with a nap.

So we tried offering lunch, which he really wasn't interested in either, and when he started pitching a fit, I placed him back into bed. For 15 minutes, us going in every 5 minutes or so to wipe his nose and console him, he cried.

Now, I hate listening to my child cry, let alone scream bloody murder, but I knew he was tired. The more he kept crying though the more frustrated I would get. So hubby went him to console him and next thing I know LMA is talking like nothing even happened. I knew we had missed our window of opportunity for a nap. However, I really needed one. While I laid down, LMA and daddy were playing in the leaves outside and to their amazement found spring bulbs already popping up through the ground. That was the highlight of the day. The only one.

We still needed to get LMA checked out by the doctor. Turns out he has a double ear infection! Fan-crap-tastic! Another round of antibiotics please.

When we finally made it back home, we tried our best to keep LMA occupied and moving, but you could tell that 15 minutes of sleep was not going to cut it for him. We tried to lay down with him on our bed while we watched tv, but 10 minutes in he wasn't interested anymore. As soon as I turned off the tv when he walked away he started crying. We thought maybe we should just lay him down in his bed, even if it is just for 20 minutes while we get dinner ready.

I think if LMA's beloved friend, Paci, was still around this would not have been a problem at all. Since it's not though, it didn't work. I still gave him 5 minutes or so just to see if he would settle down, but no go. When I went in to get him, I tried to be extremely cheerful. "Mommy and Daddy are going to have dinner. Would you like to join us?" "Yeah!"

But when I walked away without Jeffrey, he started to cry all over again. Then he started with "Bugga!" So when I walked into the bathroom to get a tissue, I was slapped in the face. I was so furious and totally done at this point, I walked back into his room, threw him back in his crib, and yelled, "You do not hit your mother!" and stormed out of there.

I took a time out myself, came back and apologized, while LMA was apologizing as well through tears. But that didn't stop the crying. For 45 more minutes he continued to cry, even though daddy was holding him and walking around with him. He had gotten so wound up, he couldn't calm down. My head was about ready to explode. See, this is when hubby and I make a great team. It always seems as though when the other one is flustered, the other one is calm.

Unfortunately, I was missing a small piece of the puzzle that daddy finally figured out. His ears were killing him. Because he was crying so hard, he was snorting through his nose, and practically hyperventilating. Every time he snorted, it would hurt his ears and make it even worse. And here I was thinking, he was crying every time he looked at me. Like he was still upset at me and couldn't stand the sight of me.

We gave him some motrin and decided we just needed to change things completely. By now it was 6:45pm. LMA didn't eat lunch, had been snacking all day long, and now was about to miss dinner. We sat down and offered applesauce which would hopefully help, and it did.

By the end of the day, we were so exhausted. I have to admit, when we have days like this, which with this kid really are few and far between, I wonder what the hell was I doing becoming a mother? Am I really a good mother or do I have no business what so ever being one? What would ever happen if we brought another one into our family? Would I kill myself before they turned 5 years old? But then, I realize, tomorrow is another day. And more than likely, it WILL be better. It has to.


Wenderina said...

You are doing great...every human being has bad days, but mothers seem particularly unable to allow themselves to be human. Hope LMA is on the mend. Loved your post labels - they say as much as your whole story.

Lori said...

It sounds like you and Little A were having a bad day. It's going to happen every now and then. He knows you love him and you know he loves you. From what I see/read here, you are a great mom. Don't be so hard on yourself. Hope the little guy is feeling better!