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Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Anger Management (or lack there of)

Long time no blogging. I've been extremely busy with work around the house (yeah springtime cleaning), completing my first paid custom scrapbook, and just plain exhausted. Lack of motivation and inspiration haven't help either. Although I take that back, there has been inspiration like when I found a new activity that really kept A's attention (more on that in another post).

Little Man A's temper tantrums have taken an all time high lately and it's starting to take its toll on me. I'm sure it's also starting to effect hubby as well considering he's the one that I'm taking MY frustration out on. All this lack of anger management (actually for Little Man A it's not knowing how to control his emotions) have really started to make me wonder if I need an anger management course myself.

Because honestly, I've been a miserable person to be around lately. Yeah, sure I can put on a good smile like the best of them, but once I get behind closed doors its an entirely different story.

I know for a fact that there are more less fortunate people out there in the world, so really? What do I have to be angry about? So what I wake up at 6am and again at 6:05am and again at 6:10 because hubby's alarm is going off and I have no freaking clue as to how to turn it off (except to throw it against the wall). So what Little Man A wakes up crying at 6:45am which wakes me up out of a dream making me even more tired than at 6:00am when hubby's alarm was going off? Do I honestly have to take it out on hubby when he asks me if I wanted the truck for the day? To my defense, he asked me three times in a row to which I replied "No" each time, but that's not a good excuse.

All this anger and bundled up frustration is really starting to make me wonder if I should re-medicate myself. The only thing that's really stopping me are the withdrawal symptoms that I experienced.

I'm lost as to where to go from here. Do I ask my doctor for advice? Do I just sit down with hubby and express what I'm feeling? Do I keep a journal (written) of what I'm feeling and when and see if that's therapeutic enough (I highly doubt it)? Is this even normal for me to feel this way, especially considering all that I'm trying to do (start a new business, keep the house in order, try to curve Little Man A's own emotions)?

I tell you what though. I'm tired. And compared to some people out there, I know I have absolutely no reason to be.

And hubby, I know you read this occasionally. All I can say is that I'm trying. Thanks for being the saint that you are and hanging in there with me while I figure this out (although I may want to do it quickly before you change your mind). All your masonic (cult) teachings are really paying off. Maybe I should join the women's circle??


AmyBow said...

We all get tired. We are people with needs in addition to being mommies. You need to cut yourself some slack and give yourself some time to relax.

Sunday is Mother's Day. Maybe hubby can give you Saturday as a present. Get a manicure/pedicure. Eat lunch out by yourself (either some pace nice or even fast food that just tastes freaking good). Read a book in a park ALONE. Just be you. You deserve it.

Wenderina said...

I second Amybow's comment babe. Do you have a sitter resource at all while Nana and I are visiting next week? I want time with Little Man A, but I sure as shootin' want you to enjoy some leisure time too. Or maybe you and Nana go out alone, and I'll watch Little Man. Maybe I'll change my first diaper (gasp!)

Remember your blog is LIKE a journal, so feel free to keep pouring out your emotions here. It's just kind of like that Harry Potter scene where the jounral writes back!

KiKi said...

Do I ask my doctor for advice? Do I just sit down with hubby and express what I'm feeling? Do I keep a journal (written) of what I'm feeling and when and see if that's therapeutic enough? Is this even normal for me to feel this way...?

Yes to all of the above. It's definitely normal to feel this way. Like Amybow said, we all get tired. And we all need a break.

Hopefully, this blog helps you to get some relief and if you can also keep a separate one if you'd like to keep things private. Maybe talking to your hubby will help. Slow down, cut yourself some slack, and get some YOU-time while your mom and aunt are there... you deserve it for sure.