You didn't know becoming a parent meant...
• Stacking today's unread newspaper on top of yesterday's unread newspaper.
• Eating dinner like we're trying to break a world record for the most pasta swallowed in the shortest amount of time. Standing up.
• Letting your partner choose between poop and laundry as a topic of conversation.
• Figuring out how to pee without putting the baby down.
• Wearing a bra that looks like something from a 1930s catalog.
• Spending three hours getting the baby to sleep and then waking her up two minutes later to make sure she's still breathing.